Monster Jokes | Best and Funniest

Monster Jokes

This page contains information about the funniest top 100 monster jokes that are funny weird or silly. Examples are jokes about scary creatures, devil, ghosts and so on ... If that's what you're loooking for then this is the place for you. Below you will find a table of the top monster jokes, containing the best of the best. Enjoy and make sure to add this page to your favourite section for easy reference in the future.


Quote of the day October 20th, 2014

Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Monster Jokes
Boy: Mom, why can't I swim in Loch Ness?
Mother: Because there are monsters in it.
Did you hear about Romeo Monster meeting Juliet Monster?
It was love at first fright.
How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms?
Drop him a line.
How do you know your kitchen is filthy?
The slugs leave trails on the floor that read "Clean me."
How do you stop a monster from smelling?
Cut off his nose.
Monster: Doctor, Doctor, I need to lose 30 pounds of excess flab.
Doctor: All right, I'll cut your head off.
Monster: Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
Doctor: What on earth's come over you? Monster:
Six cars, two trucks and a bus.
What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
I'll get you next slime!
What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
Long time no sea.
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies!
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?
Thank you, I'll just have a slither.
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails?
He cut all his fingers off.
What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A coffin break.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema?
Miss most of the film!
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
What do you do with a blue monster?
Try and cheer him up.
What do you get if you cross a yeti with a kangaroo?
A fur coat with big pockets.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti!
What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?
A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.
What do you get if you cross King Kong with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What do you get if you cross the Abominable Snowman with Dracula?
Frostbite.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What followed the Loch Ness Monster?
A whopping big tail.
What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?
He found time-consuming.
What is a monster's favourite game?
Swallow the leader.
What is big, hairy and bounces up and down?
A monster on a pogo stick.
What is the best thing to do if a monster breaks down your front door?
Run out of the back door.
What is the best way to speak to a monster?
From a long distance.
What is the monsters' favourite football team?
Slitherpool.
What is twenty metres long, ugly, and sings 'Scotland The Brave'?
The Loch Ness Songster.
What kind of money do yetis use?
Iced lolly.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader?
A bookworm.
What makes a glow-worm glow?
A light meal.
What was the Californian hippie vampire like?
He was ghoul man. Real ghoul.
What would you do if you found a bookworm chewing your favorite book?
Take the words right out of its mouth.
What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What's a vampire's favorite sport?
Batminton.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What's the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs?
School dinners come on a plate.
When should you feed yetis milk to a baby?
When it's a baby yeti.
Where do you find monster snails?
On the end of monsters fingers.
Which is the unluckiest monster in the world?
The Luck Less Monster.
Which snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.
Who was wet and slippery and invaded England?
William the Conger.
Why are monsters' fingers never more than eleven inches long?
Because if they were twelve inches they'd be a foot.
Why are monsters so forgetful?
Because everything you tell them goes in one ear and out the others.
Why did King Kong join the army?
To learn about gorilla warfare.
Why did King Kong join the army?
To learn about gorilla warfare.
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he told them to go forth and multiply?
They couldn't - they were adders.
Why did the monster go into hospital?
To have his ghoul-stones removed.
Why does Dracula have no friends?
Because he's a pain in the neck.

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