Funny Quotes - Famous Top 100
This page contains information about the famous top 100 funny quotes in many aspects, such as quotes about stupid, amusing, or clever people, quotes that are entertaining, hilarious and hysterical, or simply ridiculous and silly. Also you will find some abstract quotes which are witty and bizarre in general. If that's what you're loooking for then this is the place for you. Below you will find a table of the top 100 funny proverbs we offer, containing the best of the best. Enjoy and make sure to save this page in your favourite section for easy reference in the future.
Quote of the day September 3rd, 2010
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Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. Albert Einstein |
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| Funny Quotes |
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| The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. ALBERT EINSTEIN |
| I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. DAVID DINKINS |
| I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. RODNEY DANGERFIELD |
| People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. CALVIN |
| He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. CHUCK TANNER |
| Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. BOB HOPE |
| Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. ALBERT EINSTEIN |
| Half of the people in the world are below average. ANONYMOUS |
| Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. ALBERT EINSTEIN |
| I can resist everything except temptation. OSCAR WILDE |
| The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. DAVID FRIEDMAN |
| Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. UNKNOWN |
| A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. UNKNOWN |
| Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. ANONYMOUS |
| I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. WHITNEY BROWN |
| Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. ANONYMOUS |
| By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. SOCRATES |
| If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. SAM LEVENSON |
| I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. ILIE NASTASE |
| Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. ANONYMOUS |
| Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. ANONYMOUS |
| A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. ANONYMOUS |
| Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. ROBERT ORBEN |
| I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids. JOHATHAN RABAN |
| A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. ANONYMOUS |
| Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. ISSAC ASIMOV |
| Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. MAE WEST |
| Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. MARK TWAIN |
| I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. WOODY ALLEN |
| I like children - fried. W. C. FIELDS |
| I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. RODNEY DANGERFIELD |
| Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. ROBERT ORBEN |
| Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. RONALD REAGAN |
| You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese. CHRIS ROCK |
| Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? ANONYMOUS |
| A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. ROBERT FROST |
| Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? BOB MONKHOUSE |
| Coffee isn't my cup of tea. SAMUEL GOLDWYN |
| Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. MAE WEST |
| Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. OSCAR WILDE |
| Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. CORDEL HULL |
| Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. FRANKLIN P. JONES |
| What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. RICHARD HARKNESS |
| Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again. F. P. JONES |
| Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life. ANONYMOUS |
| A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. ANONYMOUS |
| When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ANONYMOUS |
| One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. EURIPIDES |
| Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. THOMAS F. JONES, JR. |
| If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress? ANONYMOUS |
| The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. RICHARD BACH |
| Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't RICHARD BACH |
| Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY |
| He had decided to live forever or die trying JOSEPH HELLER |