Funny Quotes - Famous Top 100

Funny Quotes

This page contains information about the famous top 100 funny quotes in many aspects, such as quotes about stupid, amusing, or clever people, quotes that are entertaining, hilarious and hysterical, or simply ridiculous and silly. Also you will find some abstract quotes which are witty and bizarre in general. If that's what you're loooking for then this is the place for you. Below you will find a table of the top 100 funny proverbs we offer, containing the best of the best. Enjoy and make sure to save this page in your favourite section for easy reference in the future.

Quote of the day September 19th, 2014

Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Share
Funny Quotes
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

ALBERT EINSTEIN 

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

DAVID DINKINS

I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

CALVIN

He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.

CHUCK TANNER

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

BOB HOPE

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

ALBERT EINSTEIN 

Half of the people in the world are below average.

ANONYMOUS

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.

ALBERT EINSTEIN 

I can resist everything except temptation.

OSCAR WILDE

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.

DAVID FRIEDMAN

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

UNKNOWN

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

UNKNOWN

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

ANONYMOUS

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

WHITNEY BROWN

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

ANONYMOUS

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.

SOCRATES

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

SAM LEVENSON

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

ILIE NASTASE

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

ANONYMOUS

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

ANONYMOUS

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

ANONYMOUS

Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

ROBERT ORBEN

I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.

JOHATHAN RABAN

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

ANONYMOUS

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

ISSAC ASIMOV

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. 

MAE WEST 

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

MARK TWAIN 

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. 

WOODY ALLEN 

I like children - fried. 

W. C. FIELDS 

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. 

RODNEY DANGERFIELD 

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. 

ROBERT ORBEN 

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. 

RONALD REAGAN 

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese.

CHRIS ROCK 

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

ANONYMOUS

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

ROBERT FROST

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

BOB MONKHOUSE

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

SAMUEL GOLDWYN

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. 

MAE WEST

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

OSCAR WILDE

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. 

CORDEL HULL

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

FRANKLIN P. JONES

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. 

RICHARD HARKNESS

Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again.

F. P. JONES

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.

ANONYMOUS

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

ANONYMOUS

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

ANONYMOUS

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.

EURIPIDES

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

THOMAS F. JONES, JR.

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

ANONYMOUS

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

RICHARD BACH

Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't

RICHARD BACH

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names

JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY

He had decided to live forever or die trying

JOSEPH HELLER


Share

I hope the content of this page was useful to you, and that you learned some funny quotes, such as quotes about stupid or silly people, including hilarious, rediculous comments ... If you liked the funny quotes you might also like the Life Quotes page.
To add this page to your favorite pages simply press (Ctrl+D) on your keyboard for Internet Explorer and Firefox.